True Friendship

How can we find true friendship in this often phony, temporary world? Friendship involves recognition or familiarity with another’s personality. Friends often share likes and dislikes, interests, pursuits, and passion.

Friendship

Friendship

How can we recognize potential friendship? Signs include a mutual desire for companionship and perhaps a common bond of some kind. Beyond that, genuine friendship involves a shared sense of caring and concern, a desire to see one another grow and develop, and a hope for each other to succeed in all aspects of life. True friendship involves action: doing something for someone else while expecting nothing in return; sharing thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or negative criticism.

If you’ve had an argument or fight with a friend and you don’t know if the relationship is worth saving, you’ll have to do some thinking and ask yourself some hard questions. The length of time your friendship has lasted as well as how close you and your friend are will be big determining factors in deciding to heal your rift or let the relationship go.

Ask yourself what caused the current rift in your relationship. Was it something minor or major? If it included an issue that breached trust, it may be harder for you to forgive and move on to fixing the relationship.

Remember what you like about your friend the most. Think about his best qualities.

Think about what you dislike about your friend. Try to decide if you can overlook these faults.

Make a list of pros and cons about your friendship. Don’t be hasty on this step, but really take your time to come up with a full list.

True Friends

True Friends

Look at the cons and see if there’s anything serious there. Has your friend tried to steal your boyfriend or did she borrow a shirt without asking? Stealing boyfriends is a weightier issue than borrowing a top.

Examine the pros on your list and see if they outweigh the cons. It’s not just the number of items you have listed; it’s also about how serious each item is.

Ask yourself how much you would miss the friendship if it ended. If you feel you can get by without your friend, perhaps it’s better to not try and fix the relationship. If you’ve been friends for a long time, consider that and all of the good times you’ve had with your friend before you call it quits.

Losing a friendship can be both quite painful and stressful. Sometimes it occurs over a serious issue, such as a breach of trust, but often it results from seeming carelessness, such as hurtful words. Though not all wounded friendships can be fixed, these tips can help you repair a broken friendship and keep that important person in your life.

How to Repair a Broken Friendship

Consider how deep and meaningful the friendship was prior to your separation as you prepare for reconciliation. This is helpful if you meet significant resistance from your friend and to evaluate if your efforts are worthwhile. If your friendship degraded over time, rather than over an isolated event, it may be better to move on and let go–unless it was for circumstantial reasons, such as ignoring your friend, that can be changed.

Allow time for healing. Recovery varies for each individual and should not be rushed. Additionally, misaddressed issues from the past may have resurfaced once a friendship is damaged. Aim to strike a balance between giving your friend space to heal but without allowing an extended lack of communication.

Write your apology or intentions down and evaluate what you have written. In order to repair a broken friendship it is essential to understand the problem from your friend’s perspective. Consider if the situation were reversed if the apology seems fitting to you. If not, determine what additional steps are needed to make amends.

Send a written note or card to let her know that you care about both her and the relationship. This should be sent in the spirit of “thinking of you” or a pre-apology and may include a small memento of the friendship. If an apology is needed or expected, this provides a way to introduce your desire to do so. Promptly, follow up with a phone call unless you parted ways in the distant past. This will help your friend ease back into thoughts of your prior relationship and potential reconciliation.

Set a time to meet or simply call your friend. Ask her if she has a few minutes available to hear something that needs to be said. This shows respect by not assuming her interest as well as largely prevents a poorly timed or wasted apology. You will either gain a cue to try to repair the broken friendship or may find there is no desire on her part to do so at this point.

Show rather than just tell your friend how you feel and find a way to demonstrate your sincerity. If words don’t seem to be enough and the lack of forgiveness is just, ask your friend what it would it take to make things better for her. Express your enthusiasm to comply. If she is unsure, her answer will also help you to better understand her feelings and how to proceed.

Realize that both parties may not give 100 percent effort in attempting to repair a broken friendship. It is up to you to decide whether this is fair or not. Depending on the level of damage it may only recover partially or quite slowly. While you may need to swallow false pride, there is no reason to endure ongoing demonstrations of bitterness, unforgiveness or disrespect. If you know you have done your best to make things right then the rest is up to your friend to allow the repairs to begin.

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